The Vessel

My bff Smo and I went shopping today. We had quite an experience. You see, the two of us together in a public place can only be described as a danger to the universe as we know it. What is cruel and unusual punishment for everyone around us is fun and adventure to us.

One problem is that we don’t know how to speak normal English when we’re together since because tumblr. Due to this issue, we are the only people who have any idea what the crap we’re talking about any time we speak, thus causing confusion for anyone who happens to overhear our sometimes loud and obnoxious conversations.

Another problem is that everything reminds of something, whether it be an inside joke, a popular tumblr post, a book, or a movie. For example, we saw oodles of Asgardian jewellery in Rue 21. We were not in the mood to buy Asgardian jewellery today, though, so we were forced to pass.

On another note, we also saw a shirt with Rue on it from The Hunger Games and decided that anyone who could buy and wear that shirt is emotionally much stronger than we are, as we would weep every time we saw ourselves in the mirror.

We saw something else in Rue 21 that made us think of tumblr. We found a necklace that we could only describe as a tumblr 4th of July post. Just look at all the freedom this necklace gives:

That’s Smo’s hand, by the way.

We might buy some jewellery one day, but today was not that day, so we left Rue 21 - but only after Smo had purchased a Batman t-shirt. I did not take a picture of Smo’s Batman t-shirt. Maybe if you ask her nicely, she will take a picture of herself wearing her Batman t-shirt, and post it. But I make no guarantees. That Smo’s a tricky one.

After we left Rue 21, we went to Belk, and Smo found a great Avengers tee (in the “Young Men’s” department, of course - Juniors doesn’t have cool t-shirts there). She did not buy the tee at this time, but hid it, as we planned to return and retrieve it later on. I do not understand why she did this. As I said, that Smo’s a tricky one.

After Belk, we went to JCPenney, also to look at t-shirts in the Young Men’s department. I found my first item of the day, which was a fantastic Star Trek t-shirt. It is fantastic for more reasons than one, as you will come to understand.

When Smo and I were trekking from the Young Men’s department back toward the main entrance to the store, we passed a particularly (and by particularly I mean quite very muchly extremely completely in every way) attractive young gentleman employee of the store, who gave us an equally attractive smile and asked how we were, to which we attempted to reply “Fine,” but might or might not have made unintelligible sounds of adoration and glee. We then pretended to look at clothes in the Juniors department while we actually looked at the extremely attractive sales associate, who we discovered worked at the adjacent checkout counter.

I decided that this was the time to check out, and went to the cash register. I was in line for the beautiful young fellow to check me out, though I hardly knew how I would deal with his presence being that close to me when I got up to the counter (yes, he was indeed that handsome), but an old man who also worked at that counter said he could get me on the other side.

Well, I counted this as a blessing in disguise and walked around, paying for my purchase. While I was putting my change in my wallet (a process that seems to take me longer than most people…now that I think of it, all processes seem to take me longer than most people…), the handsome young gentleman came over to that side of the counter, opened my bag, and said, “Is that a small?” I answered in the affirmative, and the guy says, “That was at my house.”

Smo and I sort of laughed, in an attempt to not die on the floor or explode or melt or something, and walked away. BUT GUYS SERIOUSLY THAT WAS AWESOME.

We went back to Belk then and got Smo’s shirt, and took a picture of something particularly creepy, which I shall now share with you without further ado and/or comment.

We decided to leave through JCPenney, even though we didn’t come in that way, so we could see our new mutual love interest, whom Smo dubbed Dreamweaver. Most likely I will be doing more shopping in that JCPenney now than I ever have. I feel Smo might do the same, but you never know. That Smo’s a tricky one.

After we left the mall, we traveled north to Walmart, where we looked at everything and nothing. I bought Captain America, Thor, and Inception, which were on my list of need-to-buy movies and also on sale, therefore irresistible. I also bought a box of Junior Mints, which are like the only candy I eat as a general rule. I like other stuff, but they’re my favorite, and I’d rather have them than anything else I’m offered.

Anyway, before we left, we decided to stop by the books section. This proved to be quite possibly the funniest part of our trip, excluding our random conversations en route. The reason this part of the trip was so very funny is because we discovered something very enlightening: a certain captain whom we’ve always taken quite seriously, we have discovered to be the author of a very cliche and ridiculous-sounding teen romance novel.

I can’t decide which is funnier. This Christopher Pike writing it:

Or this Christopher Pike writing it:

Here’s the back cover for the trekkies. Try to imagine either of the two Captain Pike’s writing this type of story.

And that was basically that. I might post a picture of myself in my new Trek tee, especially because of Dreamweaver and the intriguing revelation about Starfleet’s Captain Christopher Pike. Or I might not. I don’t know yet. I, too, can be a tricky one at times.

That was Smo’s hand again, by the way.

posted 10 months ago with 4 notes